D’var Torah: Ha’azinu 2025/5786 האזינו

Rabbi Danielle Eskow, Co-Founder and CEO of Online Jewish Learning and Designs by Dani Jewelry, Schechter Parent

I hope everyone had a meaningful and sweet Rosh Hashanah. 

It is an honor to write this week’s D'var Torah for the Shavuon at a time that is incredibly important—Aseret Yamei Teshuvah, the ten days of repentance, our "last chance" to make things right, if you will.

It is in these 10 days that we are urged to look inside ourselves, to do serious teshuvah. Not just in regard to how we have treated others and the world, but almost most importantly and most often overlooked—how we treat ourselves.

Since the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul (think of it as the month long pregame or practice scrimmage for the holidays) I have focused a lot on personal teshuvah, personal repentance. I've asked myself the following questions:

How have I treated those closest to me? Including myself?
What is the image I am projecting into the world?
What are the values I am sharing with the world?
When I am gone, how will I be remembered?
What will my small impact be on the world? 

Part of this personal teshuvah left me in an unsatisfied place. How does the world see me? How do I see myself?

I began with those closest to me—with Jon and my kids. 
I realized that in the crazy shuffle of life I was just going through the motions. 
I wasn't living meaningfully. I wasn't living with intention. 
I was letting life move me along as a passenger, not as a driver.
It was a harsh reality check. I was ready to take back the wheel.

I began journaling and using a five minute gratitude journal which focused on three gratitudes in the morning and a reflection at night. I, with the exception of a few misses here and there, did this consistently since the beginning of Elul. I had heard about journaling as a practice but never thought it would work for me. So I didn't try. Until now. 

Not only did it work for me. It changed my life. 

Those who know me know I am usually a half glass empty human being, but not anymore. Sure there are days where I am a Debbie Downer, or a Dani Downer so to speak. But most of the time I can shift back quickly. To the positive. To the present. To now. To what matters.

In last week's  Parashah Vayelech Moses comes to terms with the fact that he is going to die. In this week's Parashah Ha’azinu he continues his critique of and frustration with the people. Moses is not thrilled with the news of his looming death and reacts and says he knows all he taught the people will be for nothing because they won't listen. He acts out. It is a normal reaction for someone who feels as though his legacy, his life, his work was for nothing.

Moses reacts, he does not respond. You may think that is the same thing. So did I. Until a month ago.

An advisor of mine shared with me that there is a HUGE difference. If we react it is an instant emotional response. If we wait, reflect, act intentionally, then that is a response. It is more mindful and intentional. It is not driven by stress and emotion.

Moses is human. His reaction teaches us that he is feeling big feelings. He expresses his hurt, sadness, frustration, and anger. In the past when I reacted similarly to stressful or upsetting situations, I reacted with anger and emotion. Sometimes I still do. But most of the time, I take a second, breathe, say a mantra that has become super helpful ("Let Them"—shameless plug for Mel Robbins Let Them book—another D'var for another day :) and respond. Even if I am upset and stressed, I'm not reacting at an elevated “flight or fight” defensive level.

So why is this all so important as we approach Yom Kippur this week? Life will consistently throw obstacles, challenges, dumpster fires, and stress in our way. That's just the way it is. What I have learned through my own personal teshuvah (repentance) is that it is okay.

"Let them!”

Let the world throw us obstacles that we CAN and WILL overcome. Sure, they make us mad and angry and sad. We, like Moses, are human. We cannot control what life gives us. What we CAN do is control our response.

Frustrating text message from a friend? Pause. Then respond.
In-laws nagging you about something? Pause. Then respond.
Your kid asking you for something for the umpteenth time? Pause a little longer (I know how hard this one is to NOT react to). Then respond.

The pause stops us from reacting and shifts our brain into response mode. My hope for all of us is that as we face the year ahead, beginning with Yom Kippur and October 7th, let us take a breath, pause, reflect, and respond.

I know what you are thinking—yeah yeah sure that is not going to work. I get it. I was you. For years. Until I tried. And guess what? It worked.

In the words of my sixth grader, "Mom, I don't know what you did differently, but you are a much happier and calm person now. It's so nice."

Yes honey, I realize I was a bit of a MOMSTER. It is a constant struggle each and every day, each and every interaction. 

But my God, is it worth it!

May we find the strength to believe in ourselves, to invest in ourselves, to care for ourselves in this new year.

Because like Moses with the Israelites, being a parent is like herding wild animals in the desert. When it gets too hot and hard, step back, take a breath and take care of yourself. Unlike Moses, you are not alone. You have your entire community here at Schechter cheering you on.

G’mar hatima Tova—show yourself some gratitude. You deserve it. And buy the book!