D’var Torah: Vayeshev 2025/5786 וישב

Rabbi Danielle Eskow, Co-Founder and CEO of Online Jewish Learning, Schechter Parent

This week’s parashah is one that is near and dear to my heart.

Selfishly, it is because we named our son Joseph. As we know this is the beginning of Joseph's story.

To catch anyone up who has not been watching the regularly scheduled programming, this is the story where Joseph's brothers throw him into a pit then sell him into slavery in Egypt and then he deals with all sorts of mishegas once he is there with the pharaoh and his wife.

To anyone who feels like they are not parenting well, at least your children are not throwing each other into pets or slavery. #Winning.

One thing that is so interesting about this week’s Torah portion is the fact that we don't really hear a lot about how Joseph was feeling. We hear about his story in the progression of the events, but we do not hear about how he felt. What was it like to be completely betrayed by his brothers? What was he thinking about while he was sitting in the pit? Was he scared when he was sold into slavery in Egypt? How did he feel once he was in jail?

Part of what I love so much about Torah is that it gives us an opportunity to ask these questions to dive deeper into the text and into our tradition as well as commentaries.

I also always think about the parenting in the story. Not to say that I'm such a fantastic parent of course I have my moments, but I truly think that a lot of Joseph's downfalls and his weaknesses are due to poor parenting.

Jacob, Joseph's father did not have such great role models either, given that his parents chose favorites. Per usual in the Torah, we have some interesting family dynamics.

I think about this a lot while trying to make decisions around my own children. I truly feel that the text has insights for all of us that apply to our lives today. Why do Joseph's brothers throw him into a pit? Was it their own jealousy? Or was it a result of poor parenting that fostered this competitive nature between the brothers?

Many of the parenting books talk about not focusing on the action or the behavior that our children do that we disapprove of, but rather the intention or emotion behind it. For example, why did my kid push their sibling? It is not to be bad but rather they are feeling something that they are trying to express

Similar to studying the text, it is important for us as parents to read between the lines. What is the commentary behind the text? What was Joseph feeling? What were his brothers feeling that led to this horrible action?

If one of our kids doesn't listen or does something we are not happy with, why did they do it? What is the meaning behind it? What are they feeling at that moment?

It is easy for me to say or write these things, but far harder to implement. We (myself included) often rush to respond to a bad behavior, and do not take the time to actually consider what the child is feeling.

Imagine if Jacob has thought about what his favoring of Joseph would do to his other children? Would it have changed the course of the story? Would the brothers have gotten along?

I am in no way condoning the behavior of Jacob's other sons. However, it is interesting to think about what is going on behind the scenes and the background that is there.

At one of the Ruach Minyanim I attended at the Upper school, an eighth grade student delivered an Ani Ma’amin (I Believe) speech that really struck a chord. 

She shared a lot of wisdom about getting through difficult situations and worrying what others think about you. She said something really brilliant that I wanted to add for this week's D'var. She said that you can't just dance in the sunshine, you have to dance in the rain as well.

The times that we are in are full of rain storms. It almost feels as if every day the skies are gray and there are sparks or cracks of sunlight in our lives. The forecast is not good but we remain hopeful.

So you might be wondering how does this relate to this week’s story? I'm getting there. While there are many commentaries about Joseph and the type of person he was, whether he was good or not, one thing is for sure he definitely made the best of his situation, rain or shine.

This eighth grader did not realize that she gave me an "aha" moment. As someone, like many of us,  who has struggled through the past two years since October 7th and the rise in antisemitism, it has been hard to dance in the rain. On the days where the light shines through it is easier, but still muted.

It is our duty—our obligation to continue to dance. Rain or shine. We need to seize the day and be grateful for another day on this earth. Count our blessings.

Joseph went through a lot of trials and tribulations throughout his life, many of which we learn about in this week's portion. However, I would venture to say that he danced in the rain the entire time. He went from being in a pit to slavery to jail and eventually ended up becoming the second in line to the Pharaoh in Egypt. I would say that is truly a tango.

May we each have the strength to continue to dance, rain or shine. May we have the strength to make the best out of the situation we are in. We may not be a perfect parent, a perfect child, or perfect at work. And that's OK.

All we can do is commit to dancing whether life throws us a thunderstorm or a beautiful shiny sunny day.

May we find the strength to lean on each other so that we can weather  the storm together, and may the remaining hostage Ran Gvili’s body  be returned to his family for a proper burial soon.

Reprinted from December 16, 2024